To Write Again

I lie in the dark of half an hour till midnight, sending an opening in my soul that I haven’t felt for a long time. The waves are washing over me like a wall dropping newly painted hues on my head, making me alive again. The lack of ability to create left me missing myself for this is my heart and soul, my essence.

It seems as if every day I learn something new about you. The knowledge loosens another certainty and I am not wrapped anymore in the warmth that I knew you at all. The part of me that belonged to you might have been fooled, misguided, led into the idea that I was special to you or that I mattered at all. The tears don’t even come to my eyes these days. I lie my head down and soak up the solitude.

Little by little, the tulips inside my heart raise their heads above the melting snow. I love the peaceful nightfall. I know I was meant to write again.